A common warning among the Western world, when it comes to children and babies, is that if you attend to readily to your child’s needs you will spoil them and turn them into clingy needy children. People believe that giving too much attention, nursing on demand and cosleeping can all contribute to spoiling your baby and that a baby needs to learn how to comfort themselves as soon as possible by using inanimate objects such as pacifiers and blankets. Unfortunately though, if a child has to resort to using an inanimate object for comfort and love then it can lead to a lifelong fixation on a specific object.
On top of this, child-rearing experts and books on parenting often (the majority do) advise mothers to separate themselves form their young babies with dire consequences.
Despite what many people believe, you cannot spoil your child with too much love and support. In most cases children are spoiled by not receiving enough love. Children may become spoiled as a result of not getting enough love as they crave attention/affection because they didn’t receive it earlier on.
Babies and children need warm loving human interaction. Breastfeeding is a great for this as it offers both nutrition and comfort to a baby. When a mother breastfeeds on demand she gives her child security. They know they are loved and cared about. If more people had experienced the devoted attention of a mother who breastfeed, there would most likely be less need for therapists and many people would be secure and content in life.
But love doesn’t stop at night. When a baby is forced into a different room it can be traumatic. A baby doesn’t know they are safe and in a secure environment even if you do. The only way they know they are safe is by being close to their mother. When one places their child in another room they can awake frightened because they cannot feel their mother. This can go on night after night. A baby who sleeps with their mother knows they are safe because if they are aroused they can feel and hear their mother.
While many people believe that you can give a child too much attention and spoil them, I have to disagree. A baby needs constant attention, love and reassurance and should have it (a baby sling carrier can help!). As that baby grows they will need it less and less, but it needs to be on their terms. Without the fulfilment of their continuum concept, a baby will grow to feel like something is missing and crave the unconditional acceptance and love from their mother. This can lead to problems with other relationships and a sense of insecurity. A mother’s role is very important and she should trust her instincts as these are much more in tune with a baby’s needs then any expert who tells you you are spoiling.